my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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