yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
