You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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