smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
