Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
