Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
