tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
