This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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