My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
