the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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