after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
