Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
