Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
