Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
