oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
