My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
