I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
