I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
