wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
