I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
