my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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