If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
