And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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