I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
