Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
