Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
