so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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