Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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