Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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