What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
