its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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