we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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