That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
