don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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