he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
