Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I AM VODKA MAN
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
