"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
