Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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