I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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