shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
