hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
