Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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