Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
