everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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