Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
