Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
