I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
