I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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