I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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