My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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