covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
