OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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