Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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