I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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